I just completed going through "Drink" by Ann Dowsett Johnston. My age is 47 years old now. Even though on the inside I am a complete mess, I always try look cheerful by putting a smile on my face trying to look happy in front of the others.
Although I have been aware for some period that I have difficulties with alcohol, this book made me face them. Nevertheless peculiarly soothed me to comprehend I am not alone. Several problems in my life caused my misuse of alcohol and the usual reasons such as hereditary factors, and indiscipline does not feature. Developing to maturity was very difficult - my dad was a serial cheater, my mum had no self-respect and overweight, unpopular me was abandoned to take care of myself most of the time. Emotionally, I was totally self-reliant.
Strangely, I never drank in high school. In any case, I went to college at a prestigious school which prided itself on its academics....and understudies prided themselves on their capacity to party. At that moment my journey of experiencing a free youth's world began, I often behave inappropriately - I tend to got hangovers because too much drinking last night, I tend passed out, and occasionally having inappropriate sexual activities.
I figured the main path for a hefty young lady to have a sexual experience was to be plastered with similarly as smashed young men.
I woke up one day, unclad sharing a bed with some guy in a frat house in Montreal..... I remember and it is indeed a miracle I didn't get severely wounded, hospitalised or in a detention cell for arrested drunks or pregnant.
Life went on - I became a registered nurse, received a masters degree and went out with a great companion. We drank wine on weekends when we were together and at times during the week I would buy a bottle for myself.
Time flew, and so did my life; I got married, had two kids and during the months preceding their birth I avoided alcohol. Be that as it may, then as life continued, maturing guardians, ADHD kid, worried, compulsive worker spouse with outrage issues.....wine on ends of the week got to be wine Thursday-Sunday.
My better half got snared on a neighbourhood "mix your-own" so we had cases and instances of wine...and soon a daily custom to split one or two.... Covertly, I started blending my own mixed drinks and keeping the glass covered up in my heating cabinet.
When I return home - and face the family mess, getting dinner, attempting to get ADHD kid to concentrate on homework while prying the other erratic of his iPod.....I can just consider blending that drink....which I continue refilling until in the long run I nod off or go out. On waking up, I check my phone to see whom I chatted when under the influence of alcohol.
But there is more - two years ago I had a very serious emotional relationship with one of my son's friend's fathers. The relationship never got intimate (besides a few hugs and staying very close at sporting venues) but if some of you have read about (or witnessed) an emotional affair, the effect can be just as dramatic and fierce, if not more so then a physical love affair. I was on seventh heaven - all the time my phone showed a message'.oh the rush of feelings. Usually we exchanged texts late into night, at times in the middle of the night, while we were at duty.
I was content at this high point in my life. The relationship was getting dangerously near intersection the sexual line and he pulled back. I was very devastated, it was impacted me really hard and it increasing my drinking habit' I have been grieving the loss at that time.
My alcoholic beverage comforted me they alleviated the pain.
Every time I look back over my life, I feel so ashamed myself and to people around me. The inebriated scenes:
I am in counselling which has been an illuminating realisation.....plus reading Ann's book and now finding out this website and reading related stories. I sense like I am heading home.